My friend Max

When I was applying for the AmeriCorps position in which I am currently serving here at Mentor Michigan, I was asked for a writing sample that would describe mentoring and its role in my life.

So I wrote about my friend Max. Here’s what I said:

It began with a flier in an old, circular stairwell as I was returning to my dorm room after class one autumn afternoon. “Young boy needs help with homework, especially Math, Science and English. He loves sports, so an interest in sports is a plus.”

“I was always pretty good at those subjects in school,” I thought, and “I love sports.” So, I wrote down the phone number and called that evening. The next week, I spent the first of many Tuesday afternoons with a special young man named Max.

Max is energetic and loves sports, drawing, his three sisters, and he even fancies himself to be a spy once his homework is finished. We spent many afternoons covertly navigating the many nooks and crevices of Max’s old house once we had finished our work for the day. He usually beats me in foosball, and he likes to make sure I remember that fact. Like many of his peers, he plays organized basketball and soccer and goes to summer camp. But unlike most of his peers, the challenges of adolescence are amplified because Max suffers from Down’s Syndrome.

Like other boys his age, he longs for approval and acceptance from his peers. Like other boys his age, he dreams about what he wants to be when he grows up and how exciting the future will be. Like other boys his age, he gets bored and frustrated by too much homework and would rather watch TV than finish it all. And like other boys his age, he struggles to find the words to say to that one special girl who sits just a few desks away during homeroom.

When I responded to that advertisement three autumns ago, I expected to help a young student academically—and we did make progress that way. What I did not expect was to become his confidant, friend, and mentor who helped him deal with life, not just school. I helped him get through his homework when it seemed overwhelming; we talked about his dreams of becoming a fireman, then a spy, and then a professional athlete; and we worked on communicating with other people, from his friends on the playground to that special someone a few desks over. I didn’t expect that type of friendship, but I am deeply grateful for it.

Max’s challenges are unique because of his special needs, but his need for a mentor is not. The challenges he faces are magnified at times, but the needs are universal. Adolescence is a period of both great challenge and extraordinary promise for every young person. And during this formative period, it is essential that mature, caring people take the time to invest in them, to help them overcome the challenges of everyday life.

It’s one of life’s greatest ironies; the more we give of ourselves, the more we receive. I am convinced that I received as much, if not more, from Max than he ever received from me. If you’ve been in a mentoring relationship, you know first-hand how impacting this give-and-take can be. If you haven’t, I would encourage you to find out. But either way, our state is filled with young people like Max, and they’re waiting for someone like you to simply become their friends.

I’ve been serving here for just over seven months now, and these words have been proven true time and again. I’m mentoring again, too. I’m matched with a young man who’s entering the 7th grade this fall. He’s a great kid who just needs a positive influence.

For those of you in Michigan, you can find a mentoring program to get involved with by clicking here. To search the National Mentoring Database, click here. I’d encourage you to do so; it’s a great way to give a little bit of what you’ve received back into the life of another.

Young Men in Mentoring in Southgate

Paula Evans Neuman, of the The News-Herald tells of a successful effort that has paired 60 male High School mentors with elementary school students in the same district. She writes,

The program, called Big Brothers/Little Brothers, was started last year due to “the need for our elementary boys to have mentors,” school social worker Karen Dunholter said.

“This year, we had many of the athletes requesting to return and have the same little brother,” she said.

Last week, the boys, big and small, worked together with Pewabic Pottery artists to create clay sculptures. 

[…]

“The elementary boys are sometimes more in need of a positive male role model because they are usually surrounded by women,” Dunholter said.

Many boys grow up in single-parent households headed by a mother or grandmother, and most of their grade-school teachers are women, she said. “We felt that a large number of boys would benefit from an ongoing positive relationship with an older student,”

She citied statistics that show boys having more social problems, such as low self-esteem and anger management issues, and more instances of school discipline than girls.

“The goal of this program is to build trust through mentoring and activities that promote positive self-image in the elementary boys who are at risk academically and socially,” Dunholter said.

[…]

Activities have included games, sports and craft activities. The meetings are supervised by two school social workers and two coaches.

At the end of the last school year, the boys were able to attend a Detroit Tigers baseball game together, thanks to a grant from Sam’s Club and the help of a Tigers player, Dunholter said. 

This year as the final activity, the Big Brothers and Little Brothers will use the gym and rock-climbing wall at the Southgate YMCA, thanks to a grant from the Colina Foundation.

“We hope the ongoing relationship with a positive male role model keeps the students engaged in school, improves their attendance and results in better grades,” Dunholter said.

The high school boys who participate also benefit “They learn how to give back, be responsible and care for someone without getting paid to do it, and have the satisfaction in helping someone mature and achieve their potential.”

This success story reminds us that young men can make a difference and be effective mentors. The Men in Mentoring Toolkit offers tips on recruiting younger men, which you can freely download HERE.

How does your program engage younger men as mentors? Has it worked for you as well?

Feedback from the Field

Guest Post: Elyse Walter, Mentor Michigan Communication Specialist

I recently attended the Matching, Monitoring, and Closing Mentor Matches training held in Indian River on May 29, provided by Mentor Michigan and Michigan State University Extension.

While there, I had the privilege of sharing with participants the various tools and resources Mentor Michigan provides mentoring programs throughout the state – including the Men in Mentoring Recruitment Toolkit.

Betsy Kaylor, a Faith-Based Specialist with the Michigan Prisoner Re-entry Initiative in Traverse City, had great things to say about the Toolkit and its use in her area. She discovered it at www.mentormichigan.org after it was made public this past winter. She was previously clued into the idea of specialized male recruitment when she attend Mentor Michigan’s annual conference in November 2008.

“The Toolkit is full of terrific ideas. Plus it comes in so many formats,” Betsy says. “I immediately showed it to my boss who was so impressed he asked me to send it to other agencies so they could utilize it.”

Although Betsy says she’s yet to implement any of the training materials at any specific events, she’s headed to a training in Cadillac this summer where she hopes to share the Toolkit with many others.

Many other attendees at the May 29 training stressed the need to have materials available for recruiting male mentors in their areas – hopefully Mentor Michigan’s Men in Mentoring Recruitment Toolkit can help them do just that!

Webinar Training: Five Components of a Complete Recruitment Message

On May 21, Mentor Michigan offered the first of what will be many webinar trainings in the Men in Mentoring Toolkit.

In this webinar, we discussed the five components of a complete recruitment message. For those who missed it, here’s a recap:

1) Awareness: Making the Case.

Men need to know that the need exists and that they are able to do something about it. Statistics are important – for example, how many young men are on your waiting list? But statistics alone can sometimes feel cold or even daunting. Make the statistics personal. You can do that by telling a story…

2) Understanding: The Role of Stories.

Stories help all of us internalize things. For example, if there’s a young man on your waiting list named “Kyle,” you might tell his story to help the statistics feel personal. Who is Kyle? What is his life like? Does he share things in common with the potential volunteer?

3) Comfort: You Can Do It.

What are the potential obstacles that would keep a man from becoming a mentor? Is he worried about the time commitment? Is he worried about how he will be perceived by others? Does he wonder what he will do with his new friend? The specifics will differ from person to person, but most men will have a question like this somewhere in their minds. Listen to them carefully and respond in a way that will increase their comfort level. Assure them that they are already equipped with the skills necessary to be a friend and that they will succeed by just being there.

4) Commitment: Let’s Be Clear About Things.

Be clear from the get-go. “We need you for one hour a week for a year. That kind of commitment will make a tremendous difference in ‘Kyle’s’ life…” Being clear from the start will ease the mind of the potential volunteer and will help you determine which potential volunteers are really serious about it.

5) Success: The Ability to Win.

Men tend to be competitive. We want to know that a new venture like mentoring is a winning proposition, and even though we might not admit it, we’re afraid of failing. Reassure the candidate’s skills and abilities by saying something like, “You are the right person. You already have all the skills that you need. You will succeed… and we’ll be here to support you every step of the way.”

 

We were pleased to have mentoring program staff from across the state join the call, and we are looking forward to additional webinars in the future. Stay tuned to the Mentor Michigan Listserv for details.

Guest Post: Jeff Walker

Today's post is from one of my AmeriCorps colleagues who helped facilitate the introduction of the Men in Mentoring Toolkit.

Thanks Jeff!

Hello, I’m AmeriCorps Member Jeff Walker and I serve with the 4-H Mentor Michigan Initiative in Muskegon and Ottawa County. Since joining with AmeriCorps, my experience has been both rewarding and challenging. I coordinate the Men In Mentoring Initiative and I primarily recruit male volunteers to become mentors.

As I recruit, I’m finding out that many men are afraid to mentor because of how they may be perceived by others. They are only viewing the negative hindrances without seeing the big picture of the benefits mentoring has to offer. Most are even unaware of what mentoring is until a program like, Big Brothers big Sisters is mentioned. I have personally spoken with over a dozen men who have verbally expressed interest, but it faded away as we discussed the commitment factor involved.

I think by having this Men In Mentoring Toolkit in place will provide valuable key information and terms to the approach and verbal engagement with potential volunteers. I believe when you are able to communicate on the same level as another individual that makes them more comfortable within their own “element”.

As one of the presenters during our workshop, I now have more confidence moving forward in the recruiting process. The most important thing to remember is how to use and phrase your words. We have to be fully aware of the words that will trigger further resistance or fear for the volunteer.